Dear Prince Harry,

As I'm sure you know, yesterday was Will and Kate's one year anniversary.  The past year has flown, and after many recent one-year anniversary specials, the royal wedding "hooplah" seems to have finally died down.  Now, not to put any pressure on you Harry but...tick tock.  You're not exactly getting any younger.

Don't get me wrong, 27 is by no means old.  It's just that with your older brother married and out of the house (palace?) you run the risk of turning into a...how to put this delicately...a spinster.  Sure, you still have 2 years of your twenties left, so by all means, enjoy them.  Just know that waiting at the end of those years is a Bridget Jones-like existence, full of ice cream, ciggies, and Chaka Khan.

Of course, this dismal future could easily be avoided, if you were to meet your "Princess" Charming...Hi, I'm Joge.



I know what you're thinking--"I don't want to be one of those people who meet their spouse online, like some sort of mail-order bride!"  But Harry, the fact of the matter is, 83% of relationships now start online, and the benefits are numerous.  Aren't you tired of meeting girls the old fashioned-way, at garden parties and knighting ceremonies?  Tolerating hours of idle chitchat about polo matches and Rimmel London eye makeup, just to realize that a girl "doesn't want the obligations that come along with royal life."  Why don't you save yourself the heartache and rejection, by wedding someone who you know upfront is compatible--me.

Top 5 Reasons You, Prince Harry, Should Wife Me
5.  You have red hair--I am tolerant of gingers.
4.  You are British--I am a big fan of Elton John,  Russel Brand, Harry Potter, and the Spice Girls.
3.  You enjoy attending polo matches--I saw a really cute white dress on Asos.com, and I need a place to wear it.
2.  You look good in a uniform--I look good in a uniform! (Granted yours was a military uniform and mine was a Catholic girls school uniform, but let's not split hairs.)
1.  You have a lavish, royal lifestyle--I do not, but I would readily and selflessly learn to adapt to yours in order to allow our love to grow (also, I've seen Princess Diaries 1 and 2, so I basically have the royal thing down)

BONUS: You have a history with South African native Chelsy Davy--one time last summer, someone told me that my accent sounded vaguely South African--if that doesn't point towards us being meant to be, I don't know what does!

So Harry, let's put our qualms aside, and give the world what they want--The Royal Wedding Part II, most heavily anticipated sequel since D2:The Mighty Ducks.

Cheerio!
Sincerely,
Joge