Thursday, April 26, 2012

Dear Ke$ha,

I have a bone to pick with you. The other day, someone came up to me at a bar, and to my utter dismay, said, "Hey, you look like Kesha!" He then proceeded to ask me how I like life on the road, and if I really do wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy. (I do not)

If you are thinking I was flattered by this comparison, guess again. I took some comfort in the fact that it was a dark bar, and the young gentleman who made the comment was most definitely three sheets to the wind, but truth be told, I was still left feeling queezy, nauseous, and dazed. (That could have been the effect of the strobelights, but I attribute it more to this horrifying comparison.)

I have no problem being compared with celebrities. When people tell me I look like Taylor Swift, I usually shout "Tay Sway's my girl!" before busting out in a very squeaky rendition of "You Belong With Me." Who wouldn't want to be likened to Taylor Swift, America's sweetheart, who is pretty, fashionable, and showers daily. On the other hand, being compared to you, Ke$ha, was a dark time in my life, a day that will live in infamy and haunt me in my dreams for years to come.


I admit, it's not the most outlandish comparison to have ever been made. (I've previously been compared to Whoopi Goldberg as well, and I really don't see that one at all!) Objectively speaking, we are both tall, white, blonde females, and I suppose we are both vaguely Irish looking. But the similarities end there.

However, if the public is going to continue to mix us up, I implore you to clean yourself up a bit you hot mess. Considering we are two public figures who resemble each other and are garnering a lot of media attention lately(you for your musical career and trashtastic behavior, me for my blog and 2004 Scrabble Champion status) I think we have a certain responsibility towards one another to present ourselves decently. If someone were to stop you on the street and say, "Hey, aren't you Joge, author of Sincerely Joge and legendary Milton Bradley wunderkind?" you would be flattered. I am a normal, clean, and moderately respected person (famous opening lines of a resume) and I don't think anyone would be offended to be mistaken for me. However, when someone says to me, "Hey, are you Ke$ha?", I take that to mean, "Hey, aren't you that trashy sloven that onesied in Lily Allen's sink?" And I don't like it...I don't like it one bit.

Take the Olsen twins. They are bound to be confused for one another, so they have opted for a unified look of giant sunglasses and baggy dresses, and that works for them. Fred and George Weasley? They rock the whole "charming British ginger" look, and they nail it. Ke$ha, I'm not asking for us to wear matching sweaters for a holiday picture. I'm simply asking for you to comb your hair, brush your teeth with something other than a "bottle of Jack", and for God's sake, take a shower! I can't even decipher if you have freckles or it that's two year old glitter on your cheeks. I realize we are not twins and not even remotely related, but if people are going to continue to make these erroneous comparisons, we at least owe it to each other not to look like dirty, sparkly hippies. I've done my part, now you do yours!

Sincerely,
Joge

No comments:

Post a Comment